The Tash Files
by Violets and Lilies
Summary: From Creation until the Last Battle, Tash's demons prowl around the world, trying to bring as many souls as possible down to their Father Below, but sometimes they need a little advice straight from the bottom. A spinoff of Screwtape on the Pevensies, Screwtape on the Other Four, and Screwtape After the Train Wreck.
1. King Frank and Queen Helen

My dears Et and Hyl,

Ah, just look around, you two worthless morons, look around. The Enemy has just created a disgustingly beautiful world and now we're going to ruin it. I have no doubt about our eventual success because, well because, I'm just too awesome to fail. Of course, I'm really counting on you two goons to be at the forefront of my plans-do you know why that is? It's because the Enemy has seen fit to make _your _patients into this world's first King and Queen.

Now, to be sure, my mouth just dropped open and I wanted to scream when He made your patients into rulers because I know how stupid and worthless both of you are, but, let me tell you, I really care about you two imbeciles, so I'm perfectly willing to offer you all the help that you'll need in order to successfully bring your patients' souls down to me forever. Of course, you'd also do well to remember that I don't tolerate failure, so you'd better not mess up.

Do you know what really ticks me off about the Enemy's plan already? He let _your _patients become His first King and Queen when He could have chosen that old geezer that was right here in our midst-or at least he was here until the Enemy sent him home-but, of course, _He_ would do something like that to mess up my plans, would He? Of course, He would. I mean really, that old Male was absolutely perfect for my purposes and now he's gone back to the world that he came from. It's enough to make my head explode-and you know how I am when I get like that. Of course, I'm relieved that the Enemy sent those two little brats back, but really, did He have to send that old clown back?

Now, to be sure, it might have been an interesting study to find out more about those two young brats and see if we could possibly get them on our side, but all in all, little ones are often difficult to tear away from the Enemy-they just aren't as willing to see our point of view after they've met Him. I wonder if we have counterparts in the world where those varmints came from who are dealing with those two little punks now? If there is, I'll bet they're having a devil of a time, what with their patients meeting the Enemy and all. I wonder what their supervisor is doing to punish them? I wonder if they're just as stupid as you two imbeciles?

Well, isn't it just like the Enemy to do something like this to foil my plans? I mean really, His bringing in vermin from another world is just one of the things we'll probably be dealing with throughout all the ages in this new world, but you must learn to anticipate His interference, especially when you're close to bringing your patients down to me-after all, the Enemy has never been known to let one of His own go.

Wait a minute-now, that brings up an interesting point. From what I've heard, your patients _already _belong to the Enemy-after all, didn't they say that they know Him? So guess what that means? You two worthless idiots have already failed-but, don't you dare say that this world was just created and it wasn't your fault that your patients already belonged to the Enemy, because you know very well that I don't tolerate any excuses.

Do you know what I think is the hardest thing for you worthless tempters to understand, even at the dawn of this new world? You worthless morons just don't have the imagination to conjure up what the Enemy is going to do next. I really hope that this shortfall can be corrected in the ages to come, but with you two morons as the sterling examples of your graduating class, I really doubt that it will happen. Of course, there is the old saying that no eye has seen and no ear has heard and no mind has conceived what the Enemy has in store for those who are in His camp, but you can bet that my Research Department is hard at work trying to figure Him out. Oh sure, figuring Him out is really quite impossible for us-after all, we look at things from a completely opposite point of view. I mean really, how coul_d we _have imagined this word _lov_e that He's infecting this world with? Of course, you can be assured that my Research Department is also trying to get on top of that problem, but as of now, they has absolutely no information on that word. The best thing that you two idiots can hope for is to counter Him by infecting your patients with the types of things that we like.

Interestingly enough, the lady, or Witch, as He calls her, that ran away from Him seems like someone who could help you-I just knew that she was on our side when she tried to do Him in with that iron bar. Unfortunately, it seems as though the Enemy has banished her for a while. It's also too bad that the bar she threw has grown up into something the two little brats called a lamppost-that must be something from their world-but anyway, now that lamppost will stand there for all time as a reminder of the Enemy's first victory over someone who is obviously on our side. Of course, I'm sure that her leaving is just more proof of your ineptitude-I have no doubt that you two fools could have stopped her from leaving if you were anything close to competent.

But, I have degressed-where was I? Oh yes, of course, you two worthless dunces need me to tell you how to bring your patients down to me. Well, let me just say that I really can't believe that you're so stupid that I _need _to tell you-I mean really, don't you see it? It's right in front of you, you worthless morons. Don't you see it? Didn't you hear the Enemy tell your patients not to treat His Talking Beasts in the same manner that they treated the beasts in the world that He called them out of? Didn't you hear Him that? Well, there you go, you worthless fools; that's how you tempt them. I mean really, are you so stupid that you didn't see that for yourselves? I should take away your Temptation University diplomas, you worthless idiots. How can I possible destroy the Enemy's grand creation if I have to work with morons like you? Answer me that, will you?

Anyway, let me spell it out to you plainly-so even you two goons have a shot at getting it into your little peabrains. I'll do my best explain it in a way that you two slobs will understand-then maybe you'll have a shot at avoiding my ceaseless and terrible wrath. Of course, I'm sure that you'll mess up anyway, because you're just that stupid, but I really care about you, so I'm going to help you anyway. Don't ever forget that I really care about both of you.

But, let me get back to the point, I have to tell you, I got really excited when the Enemy told your patients not to do something that they used to be able to do-after all, old habits die hard, you know. You two idiots have such an easy job. I don't know how you could possibly mess it up-of course, I'm sure that you _will _mess up, but hey, what do I care? I'll just eat you after you've completely failed. Of course, you must not forget that I really care about you both and I want you both to do your best so that your patients' souls are brought down to me forever.

Now let me tell you exactly what it is you have to do in order to successfully bring your patients down to me. You see, it's quite obvious that your patients have come from from a very progressive and forward-thinking world-what with it being a world where ropes and harnesses are used to enslave the beasts that He has made. Now, that means that what the Enemy has told them today will sound very old-fashioned and quite out-of-date in their ears-of course, I'll hold both of you accountable if this isn't the case.

Now, given what I've just said, being progressive is now going to be our great joke because progress, in this sense, would be moving away from the Enemy's instructions-and, of course, that's not progress at all. I will so enjoy it when all the vermin in this world begin to think that His instructions are old-fashioned and out-of-date, because, really, what the Enemy has told your patients is the truth, and will always be the truth, no matter how long this world last. What is the truth today will be the truth two-thousand plus years from now. Yes, that's right, you stupid fools, the Enemy's instructions are the truth, and since the truth, by definition, is unchangeable, the Enemy's instructions are incapable of being changed. The varmints of this world must never add something to His instructions and they must never take anything away from His instructions-not even if they'd like too to suit their own purposes-because that would be changing His words, after all. This concept applies to the Enemy Himself too-He is Love and He will always be Love. What an aggravation that is for us.

Now, getting the varmints of this world to think that the Enemy's instructions are old-fashioned and cumbersome to the lifestyles that they would prefer to lead is a great advantage for us. This is because we have no problem telling lies-in fact, that's all we're capable of-and of course, lies, by definition, must change with the times, or even each new situation. To us, what was unacceptable in one age could very well be acceptable in the next age-now that's forward-thinking progress, isn't it? Of course it is.

Now, what does this have to do with your patients? Well, let me tell you, you worthless fools. See, it looks as though your patients are Humans who other varmints would refer to as good Humans. Now this should not be of any concern to you because the Enemy has a very different idea about what is good than most of the vermin that He created, and obviously, it's His authority that threatens us.

But, anyway, reminding them that they're good-as far as the varmints think of themselves-will enable you to suggest to them that they _should _be able to use the new Talking Beasts in the same way that they could use the other world's beasts. You must constantly suggest to them that their beasts in the old world were perfectly happy and they took good care of them and what's so bad about doing the same thing now? As a side note, I think that when you're making these suggestions, you should ask Aeth for assistance, since his patient is the obvious choice for your patients to desire to subjugate.

Okay, let me guess, you two stupid morons are wondering what you should do if another varmint tries to correct your patients and steer them back to the Enemy's Way, am I right? Of course, I am. Well, let me tell you, you worthless idiots-you simply suggest to your patients that those other varmints are being prudish and old-fashioned-and, who wants to go around with _that_ label hanging over their heads? Let's just say that it better not to your patients-am I making myself clear?

Anyway, reminding your patients that they're decent Humans-as far as Humans think of themselves-will make your patients doubt the Enemy's instructions about not doing what He used to allow them to do. It will also give them a reason to doubt the Enemy's _intentions _in giving those instructions. There's no better way to bring the vermin down to me than by getting them to doubt the Enemy's intentions. If they doubt the His intentions, then it's easier to make them forget that the Enemy is completely and unchangeable Love-whatever that is-and that His intentions are completely and unchangeable based on His love for all those varmints that He's created and will create. Isn't that sickening?

Now, I'll bet you're wondering how to seal the deal when it comes to getting your patients to doubt the Enemy's intentions, am I right? Of course, I am. Well, let me tell you, you morons-you simply suggest to them something that I would prefer that they believe-that the Enemy's instructions are there to hamper their lifestyles and make their lives difficult. It's great fun to make them think that because it couldn't be farther from the truth-which, of course, means that you're taking them farther away from the Enemy, who is the Truth. The Enemy's instructions are and will always be for the good of those who are in His camp. Anyway, if you can get them to think that the Enemy is only trying to get in the way of how they want to live, then it's possibly foster a sense of disappointment and anger toward Him in them.

Oh, by the way, have you ever heard of the something called the Divine Right of Kings? I'm sure your professors taught about it at Temptation University, but I know that you two are so stupid that you probably didn't understand. Well, luckily for you two, I really care about you both, so I'll remind you-it's a philosophy that says a King or Queen who is divinely appointed by the Enemy can do whatever they want-well hey, the Enemy Himself appoint your patients, so all you two stupid morons need to do is make sure that your patients desire the things that we like.

Now, let me reiterate why you two fools are so important for my master plan-I really can't believe that I'm putting so much weight on the performance of two morons like you, but I want to make things clear so that you two cretins don't mess things up from the very beginning. Well, as you know, your patients are this world's _first _King and Queen, so of course, they will have the responsibility of giving birth to and raising lots and lots, if not all, of the Kings and Queens to come after them. Now, _if we_'re the ones that this first generation is listening too, well, I'm sure that even you two worthless fools are capable of seeing how we could infect future events. Tell me that you can at least understand _that_? All I'm hearing is silence...

Well, I bet I know why you're silent-I'm sure that you two morons are as excited as I am to ruin the Enemy's master plan-whatever it is-so I'll let you go get into your patients' heads now. Remember, don't hesitate to contact me if you need any more of my awesome advice-and you'd better not forget all that's at stake here.

The Great, Terrible, Irresistible, Horrible Tash

(all honor and glory to me)

* * *

**Author's Notes**: First off, I'd like to thank **Rose and Psyche **and **Quills and Inkwells **for their help in picking out demon names. Without them, I'd still be languishing with an incomplete list.

Et and Hyl come from Ethyl Alcohol (or Ethanol). It's a member of a class of organic compounds that are referred to as Alcohols. It's the intoxicating ingredient found in many alcoholic beverages-let's call them, collectively, drinking alcohol. It's also used as an industrial chemical, a solvent, a synthesis for other organic chemicals, and an additive to automotive gasoline.

Now, as gross as those combinations all sound, I want to concentrate on the drinking alcohol part. Alcoholic drinks are commonly abused, but of course, for those of us who are of age, alcohol is not illegal. I chose these demon names because Frank and Helen could be tempted to abuse their royal privileges and do something illegal-I'm thinking that enslaving a Talking Beasts could be seen as similar to committing an illegal act while in a drunken stupor. Frank and Helen have royal privileges (similar to being of age), but they're not above the Aslan's instructions (even if you're of age, you must still obey the law when you drink).

Also, I was thinking that sometimes people who are in power and get caught doing something bad will turn around and say that their bad habit or obsession is their personal business and won't affect their ability to be a leader. But this is like a drunk insisting that his drinking habit won't affect his ability to drive home. It's also like Frank and Helen enslaving a Talking Beast and then turning around and saying that this one little thing won't affect their ability to rule Narnia justly.

In addition, I chose Et and Hyl because alcohol is not illegal and that sort of parallels the fact that we Humans do a good many things that are quite legal, but that God doesn't like.

Another thing I want to point out is that even though this letter was written at the very beginning of the Narnian world, and talks about establishing the leadership and customs of the new world, it can still be applied to us because we're all responsible for bringing up the next generation and the things that we teach or pass along will have an impact on someone or someones long after we're gone. We might not be rulers in the sense of being Kings and Queens, but we're all role models (good or bad).

Aeth is Fledge's demon. He'll be getting the next letter Tash writes, so you can learn more about him then.

The old geezer (or clown) is Uncle Andrew. Obviously, the lady (or Witch) is Jadis, and of course, the two little brats (or punks) are Digory and Polly. You can read about their temptations and their demon's struggles (in an after the Magician's Nephew setting) in Screwtape on the Other Four. Their demon's troubles continue in Screwtape on the Pevensies and they're mentioned indirectly in Screwtape After the Train Wreck.

Tash's reasoning behind the Divine Right of Kings comes from **Gen. 1:26 **and when he writes about getting them to abuse their royal privileges he's twisting around **1 Cor. 10:23**.

When Tash griping about the Enemy being the Truth, he's referring to **John 14:6**.

The reference to little ones being hard to pull away from the Enemy is **Matt. 18: 2-4**,

Tash's griping about the Enemy's plans for His new world come from **1 Cor. 2:9** and his griping about the Enemy's plans being for the good of those in His camp comes from **Rom. 8:28.**

The bit about the Enemy and Humans having different ideas about what's good comes from **1 Sam. 16:7**.


	2. Fledge

My Dear Aeth,

Do you know what I hate about you? Oh no? Well, let me tell you. your worthless cretin. Besides the fact that I hate you because hating is simply what I do, I hate you because you're such an idiot that you probably don't even know what a great opportunity you have to help me ruin the Enemy's grand plans. I mean really, here you have an amazing opportunity right in front of you, and I'm certain that you're so worthless that you don't have a clue as to where to begin. Now, tell me, I'm right about this, aren't I? Of course, I am.

Now, tell me, where would a stupid idiot like you be if I didn't care about you? Where would you be if I wasn't perfectly willing to help you're sorry forked-tail out of this jam you're in? Answer me that, you worthless moron. You'd be on my dinner plate, that's where you'd be, you ignorant fool-and don't you forget it because I have no tolerance for for you, I'm willing help you out because I really care about your sorry worthless hide but, as I just said, I have no patience for a little goon who can't get anything right-that's you-so I'll never repeat these instructions, got that? Of course, you don't-you're too stupid to understand.

Well, let me just say that you'd better be relieved that I'm willing to help you this one time because that will keep you clear of me for at least a few minutes. You see, I know perfectly well that you'll mess up and be on my dinner plate in less time that it takes me to tell you, but I really care about you, so I'm willing to give you a shot at tempting in the field anyway.

Well, let me begin, so listen up, you stupid moron, because this is the only shot that you're going to get.

As you've no doubt seen and heard, the Enemy has been hard at work creating a disgustingly amazing new world and now He has taken precautions that will keep the Witch, who is obviously on my side, out of this frustratingly happy little country that He has established-it's enough to make me blow my top.

I also saw that He used those two little brats to help Him, so they are undoubtedly His agents and I'm just glad that they're gone now. I have hopes that we've seen the last of these varmints from another world, but knowing the Enemy, as I do-and never forget tha_t I d_o know the Enemy-I really doubt it. Let me tell you, it would be just like Him to spoil my grand plans to take His throne by bringing in other varmints from another world. You and all my demons down through the ages will need to stay alert and advise me if any more of these varmints from another world are ever found-but, let me tell you, woe the them that don't alert me right away.

But anyway, back to where you come in. I'm sure that you're so stupid that you don't have a clue as to how important your job is, but since I'm so benevolent and caring, I don't have any problems with reminding you. I really care about you and want you to do your best, you know that, right? Of course, you don't-you're a stupid loser.

Well, anyway, as you know-or at least you better know-I've set up two of your worthless colleagues, Et and Hyl, as tempters of the first King and Queen in this new land, so they're responsible for beginning to create the conditions that will help foster hate toward the Enemy in the Human varmints that will populate this world. You, however, my fine example of a moron, are going to be responsible for helping to create those same hateful conditions in the four-legged, feathered, and scaly varmints that He'll create. Do you know why that is? It's because your patient is one of the first varmints that the Enemy gave speech too, and he'll undoubtedly hold some sway in this world due to the fact that he's close to it's first leaders. When he speaks, the other varmints will listen, so you have to make sure that he's speaking the things that I like.

Now, let me just tell you, I really pity your poor patient, I really do-actually, I don't because I don't pity anyone other than myself because the Enemy hasn't given me the honor and glory I so obviously deserve. But. listen well, you stupid fool, I better not hear about your patient discovering that-and I'll hold you accountable if he does.

Anyway, our little joke will be for you to suggest to your patient that he is a poor ole sap who the Enemy has tricked into leaving the safety and security of everything he has ever known and _made _him come into this wild new land where scary varmints are allowed to simply roam free.

Of course, to hear the Enemy tell it, your patient has come to an amazingly wonderful new land and this new land i_s _your patient's land-along with everyone else-and your patient is going to inherit the land and pass it along to all his, undoubtedly, many descendents-horrifying, isn't it?

Now, it goes without saying that you should keep the Enemy's point of view out of your patient's head-well, it better go without saying, but you're such a worthless imbecile that I figured that I should say it now and not take a chance on you slipping up. Of course, I'm sure you'll slip up anyway.

Let me tell you, the Enemy has set it up perfectly-He always does, you know-and unfortunately, my Research Department hasn't found even one example where this wasn't the case. Anyway, not only has He call your patient out of the world that he was born in and given him a disgustingly wonderful new land to live in and raise all of the, undoubtedly, many brats that he'll father, but He has also gave your patient a new name.

Now, to be sure, your patient getting a new name from the Enemy will cause you-and, more importantly, me-problems, but isn't it just like the Enemy to cause problems for me? I mean really, the Enemy is forever making His presence known by doling out spectacular talents and gifts to those varmints who are in His camp. Then He goes and changes their names, so that they'll always remember that He has given them what they have and claimed them as His very own. Don't you understand how impossible it is for me to compete with that? I mean really, the Enemy has such an advantage because of His great love for every varmint. Don't you understand what you're-and, more importantly, me-up against? Of course, you don't-you're a stupid fool.

Now, granted, you-and, more importantly, me-might have a shot at dealing a blow to the Enemy if we cared about the vermin like He does, but that's just not who we are, is it? Of course not. I mean really, the Enemy just loves the vermin so much that they say-and it's quite true-that the Enemy knows how many hairs are on each varmint's head and He knows it whenever any of them drops dead and He knits them together in the Female's womb. I mean really, that's such a disgusting display of love that I'm going to be sick just explaining it to a worthless moron like you.

But, I've degress, let me explain to you just how to get around the Enemy's advantage-or at least try get around it because, unfortunately, you'll never actually get around it when you're working on a varmint who's in the Enemy's camp. In your case, I think it would be beneficial if you kept your patient's old name on his mind as much as possible. It would be an excellent idea to work with Et and Hyl when you do this because their patients are very close to your patient and I'm sure that their words will have a great influence on your patient.

Now, I'll bet that your clueless peabrain is wondering why your patient's name is so important that it matters which name he gets called by or remembers most often. Am I right? Of course, I am. Well, let me tell you, you worthless piece of slime: the more your patient remember his old name and the more he remember his old life, the less he'll remember the Enemy and what the Enemy has done for him.

You see, your patient's new name is important to the Enemy because He gave your patient this new land and promised him some other stuff and then He changed his name so that your patient would remember all these promises. The Enemy would call this _His covenant _with your patient. Of course, unfortunately for you, the Enemy has made it so that-regardless of his name-your patient is very unlikely to forget what He has done for him, anyway. Do you know why that is? It's because the Enemy also gave your patient wings, and lets just say, physical evidence is hard for us devils to argue against. All your patient has to do is look at himself and he'll, undoubtedly, remember every horrid thing that the Enemy has blessed him with.

You must understand, varmints, no matter what their species, need daily contact with the Enemy to keep Him and the things that He likes in their minds. Obviously, if you keep your patient's mind on things that happened to him before he met the Enemy, then the Enemy won't come into his mind very much, but as I just said, physical evidence is hard to argue against.

Of course, the Enemy Himself, will fight you to keep His own in obedience to Him because He's very jealous for them-of course, His jealousy stems from His great love for those varmints in His camp. Did you know that He also loves to have daily contact with His own? Did you know that? Of course, you didn't-you're a worthless fool. Well, let me tell you, He'll make every attempt to remind the varmints in His camp that He is there for them whenever demons like you try to mess with their heads. You have to be prepared for this, because it _will _happen, have I made myself clear, you stupid idiot?

Now, let me discuss another one of the Enemy's promises to your patient-another aspect of _His covenant_, if you will. Didn't He say that your varmint would be the father of all of his particular kind of species? My oh my, that's a lot of little brats running around, don't you think? I mean there could end up being as many brats as there are stars in the sky or sand on the seashore-ugh, how terrible-unless, of course, my demons can bring them all down to me.

Of course, that will all come in its own time, but as for your current job-and your only job if you're stupid enough to fail, and I"m sure you are-this promise is actually something else that you can use to tear your patient away from Him. The tactic that I'm referring to is call Doubt and it's quite simple to implement, but you're very stupid, so I'm positive that you'll have to listen very hard in order for my instructions to stick in your worthless peabrain-and don't forget, I won't be repeating this, got that? Of course, you don't.

Well, anyway, Doubt-in particular, doubting the Enemy-is a marvelous tactic that puts any varmint on a direct downward slide straight to me. In you're varmint's case, it can be used most effectively-of course, I'm sure that you'll blow it because you're a stupid imbecile.

Let me explain, since the Enemy told your patient that he is suppose to become the father of all of his species, your job is to make him doubt that promise. This is so easily done that I just want to laugh. Surely the Enemy has messed up and delivered your patient into my hands-oh, if only that were the case, but sadly, there is no evidence to support that claim. Of course, you'll never mention that little inconvenient fact to your patient, will you? Well, I better not catch you doing it, that's for sure.

Do you know what else makes me laugh? The fact that this Doubt tactic actually works-I mean really, as I just said, there's no evidence that would support the vermin's doubts about the Enemy, yet they _do _doubt and Doubt is one of our best tactics. I mean really, if I ever laugh about something, that's at the top of my list.

But, back to my point. See, all you need to do is ask you patient one little question to begin the process of Doubt. Of course, it will work best if you ask him this question several times a day and always keep it in his mind, so by all means, do that. Anyway, the question is this: _How will he become the father of his entire species?_

Now, this is a perfectly legitimate question, after all, do you see any Females of his species in this new world for your patient to lust over? And yes, just to be clear, I prefer the vermin lust rather than love. Well, anyway, do you see a Female? Of course, you don't, you worthless moron, there aren't any. Now, I'm sure that you realized-that is, you'd better realize-that it takes two to tango, so how is your patient going to end up fathering a bunch of little brats?

Of course, you can be sure that all-yes, unfortunately, _all-_of the promises that the Enemy has made will come true. There is, unfortunately, not even one example where this wasn't the case, But if you play your cards right-and you'd better play them right-you may be able to succeeded in making your patient forget that the Enemy promised him all these detestably wonderful things. If you succeed in that, then hopefully, when your patient does receive the blessings that he's been promised, he'll simple attribute his success to nature, or even better, his own poweress.

Remember what I said about the vermin needing daily contact with the Enemy to keep Him on their hearts and minds? Well, when they don't keep in contact with Him all sorts of great things happen-like them starting to think that they're responsible for all the blessings that the Enemy gives them. That's another thing that I find absolutely hilarious.

Now, there's another way in which you can coax your patient to doubt the Enemy. In fact this scheme is something that will help your colleagues, Et and Hyl, so, of course, by all means, you should do it-unless, of course, you don't care to help them, and really, why should you? We devils are naturally inclined to think of ourselves before we think of each other. Of course, this doesn't apply to me-I really care about you and I want you to do your best.

Anyway, this scheme is also based on something the Enemy said-of course, all the things I teach you worthless devils to do is based on tweaking the Enemy's instructions to make them more favorable to me.

But, anyway, didn't He tell all His new Talking Vermin that they were free and should never be subjugated by anyone? Didn't He say that? Of course, He did. Now, here's the interesting part, right after He finished saying that bit of dribble, didn't He load His two Human agents up on your patient's back and didn't He _make _your patient take them on a ride that was so long-and undoubtedly tiring-that they were gone overnight? Isn't that what happened? Of course, it is. Now, doesn't it seem as though the Enemy is trying to have His cake and eat it too? I mean, He said all that hogwash about the Talking Vermin being free and then He goes and makes them work for Him.

Of course, to hear the Enemy tell it, He would undoubtedly say that in times of great trouble-the Enemy is well aware that we're here, after all-everyone must do what they can do best. He would also, undoubtedly, point out that He gave your patient everything that he needed to complete the task that He gave him, so it wasn't unduly difficult-and in case, you're stupid and forgot, and I'm sure you are, remember that the Enemy gave your patient both his wings and detailed instructions, so he and those two little brats could complete the task that He sent them to do.

Now, I see that since your patient has returned, he seems to be putting more and more trust in the Enemy, and why shouldn't he? Everything about the journey that he went on-and don't forget that the Enemy's agents were with him-went exactly like the Enemy said it would. Remember, the Enemy's instructions-just like His promises-always work. There are no exceptions.

Do you realize what this means, you stupid piece of scum? You've failed in your first opportunity to get your patient to doubt the Enemy. You stupid worthless fool, how could you do this? The Enemy tested your patient's faith in Him by putting those two brats on his back, even after He said that your patient was a free varmint, and now that things have turned out well-and they always do, in the Enemy's time, when He is involved-your patient will most likely trust the Enemy all the more.

You stupid fool, how could you let this happen? Didn't I already tell you that I don't tolerate mistakes like this? I mean really, even before I've told you about a tactic, you've already completely blown it. I mean really, I'm working with a miserable idiot here-of course, you can be assured that I've always known that you were worthless. And don't say that you didn't know better, because I don't care in the slightest.

Well, anyway, I really need to get away from your worthless hide-I think a nice scorching glass of sufler water will make me feel better-just let me know if I can help your miserable skin again, okay? After all, you may have lost this first battle, but the war for your patient's soul is still on-actually it really isn't because once someone joins the Enemy's camp with all his mind, body, and soul, then the Enemy can claim victory, but hey, I'm willing to string you on for a while and let you toy with your patient's head. Anyway, don't worry about being a bother if you need me to repeat any instructions because I really care about you and I want you to do your best.

The Great, Terrible, Irresistible, Horrible Tash

(all honor and glory to me)

* * *

**Author's Note**: First off, my apologies for the late update. This chapter was very tough to write, then my computer went on the lam for two days so fixing it up got delayed.

Aeth is named for Aethon, one of the four horses that pulls Hades chariot in in Greek mythology (or Pluto in Roman mythology). In The Rape of Proserpine, he is described as "swifter than an arrow". Also, interestingly enough, the ancient Greek word, "aithon" means "blazing" or "burning", or "shining" and in a less strict sense, can denote a "red-brown" or "tawny" color. It was epithet that was sometimes applied to, among other animals, horses. I chose Aethon because Fledge had a copper colored coat and I picture him as being very swift, so I thought that Aethon could be his evil twin or, in this case, Aeth could be his demon.

Okay, here's question for you. Which Biblical person did I model Fledge after?

The part about Tash knowing the Enemy comes from **James 2:19**.

The part about the Enemy caring so much about all the varmints comes from **Matt. 10:29-30, Luke 12:6-7**, **Psalm 139:13**.

The part about Aslan being jealous for the varmints in His camp comes from **Exodus 34:14 **and **Lam.3:22-23.**

The part about the Enemy claiming victory when someone joins His camp comes from **John 10:27-30**.


	3. The Jackdaw

My Dear Lauggas,

Do you know what I just finished doing? I just finished reading through some reports about how my little devils are handling their assignments in the field. I got these reports from my secret-well, you don't need to be concerned with where I got them. What you should be concerned with is the fact that the report on _your _performance was downright shameful. I mean, really, I can't even begin to describe how surprised I am at your ineptitude. Do you know why? It's because I'm not at all surprised-I've always known that you were a stupid moron. Seriously, how could you have slipped through Temptation University with the types of grades that you must have had? No doubt, you probably received some extra credit when you were caught fixing your grades.

Well, your little grade fixing scheme won't help you now that you're in the field, will it? You cheated and lied your way through school and now you can't hack it in the real world, can you? Of course, you can't. Unfortunately, that's the type of paradox that I'm used to seeing in my best and brightest demons. You idiots scheme your way through school-lying and cheating and occasionally knocking someone off-then you get let loose in the field and you're not prepared for fighting the Enemy-and I'm talking about _really _fighting Him, not the little skirmishes that you and your fellow morons have been doing. Mark my words, you stupid fool, one of these days-and unfortunately, it's a day only the Enemy knows-I'll have to lead you worthless little cretins into battle, and I'm sure that you won't be able to hack it.

Of course, I'm ready and willing to do everything in my power to prevent my victory being taken away by a bunch of worthless inept morons, so I intend to lend you every resource at my disposal. Did you realize that I'm willing to help you little backstabbing cheaters once you've lied and killed your way through school? No? I didn't think so-you're too worthless to have picked up on that. Well, let me just tell you, I care about you so much that I'm not about to let you go down without some good solid advice. Of course, if and when-and in your case, I'd say when-you go down anyway, then I'll have no problems with turning you into my next main course. Have I made myself clear?

Now, let me get back to this disgraceful report about your recent activities-and just so you're clear on where you stand, I have the report right here in my talons.

It says here that not long after your patient received the gift of speech from the Enemy, he did something silly and all the other Talking Varmints laughed at him. It further states that when your patient asked the Enemy if he had _made the first joke_, the Enemy replied that your patient _was the first joke_. Now, here's the really troubling part. The report reads that your patient was quite thrilled with the idea of becoming known-for all time, I might add-as the butt of the first joke in this newly established horrible world that the Enemy has created. In other words, the report states that you utterly failed to take advantage of the situation that you were presented with.

How could you let this happened? Surely, even with all the grade fixing, lying, cheating, and killing that you did at school, you should have picked up on the rather mundane rule that the vermin don't enjoying being picked on or laughed at. Surely, that lesson stuck in your little peabrain, didn't it? No, I suppose not-you're just the type of imbecile that wouldn't learn something so basic as that.

I mean really, you'd think that if the Enemy was going walk around spouting off things about harsh words arousing anger and humble varmints being exalted and varmints who are full of themselves being humbled then He would have created them to act according to His word. Well, let me tell you, that's what I would have done, but the Enemy didn't ask about my never humble opinion.

Now, I know what you're thinking, so let me just make it clear that you're wrong. You're thinking that the Enemy must have created your patient differently than He did all the others because your worthless varmint reacted to the harmless ribbing in a way that undoubtedly pleased Him. Well, let me tell you, you ignorant little fool, the Enemy did _not _create your patient differently-he acted the way he did simply because you didn't handle the situation correctly.

I can just see you're hideously ugly face right now. You've got a stupid silly little grin on your face and you're, no doubt, thinking that you've got things under control, am I right? Of course, I am. Well, let me just assure you that you _don't _have things under control. This isn't the safe atmosphere of Temptation University where you worthless imbeciles can hone your craft under the watchful eyes of some of the lowest members of my lowerarchy. No, this is the real world, and unfortunately, the Enemy is in charge. He created the world and everything in it, and even we have to go along with His rules.

Oh sure, if I were in charge, things would be different, but, for now, I have to rely on you and your fellow morons to harass those vermin who are in His camp. Of course, if you'd bothered to attend classes, you'd know this, wouldn't you? But you didn't attend classes, did you?

Luckily for you, this is where I come in. As I said before, I have no intention of losing the war against the Enemy because some little know-it-all cretin-that's you-thought that he could blow off his schooling and not listen to those demons who were lower than him. Don't you realize how special you are to me? I mean really, I singled _you _out to help _you_. Mark my words, if I didn't care about your performance so much, you'd be on my dinner plate right now-as it is, I'll just wait until your failure is official before I eat you.

Well, let me give you a quick lesson. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Well, I hope so, but you're so worthless that I bet that you don't realize what's at stake here. You just better be glad that I care about you so much. Although, be warned-I have a lot of other things to do down here so, naturally, I don't want to waste time on helping some moron that didn't bother to go to any classes while he was at school. In other words, I absolutely demand your undivided attention.

Today your patient displayed a very loathsome characteristic called self-control. It is an enormous character flaw-at least for me-but the Enemy loves it dearly. Obviously, that's why I hate it. But, fortunately for you-and more importantly, me-self control is not a natural habit for the vermin, so it can be easily corrected.

Do you know what I can't stand about a varmint who has self-control? No, I'll bet that you can't-you're really stupid after all. Well, I'm sure that you would know if you'd bothered to attend classes at Temptation University, but you thought you were too good for my venerable teachers, didn't you?..Well, now you've mess up and there's nothing for you to do but to come crying to me. Isn't that right, you worthless ingrate? Of course, it is.

Well, anyway, I'm going to tell you. The reason that I can't stand a varmint with self-control-and remember, I only like the things that I can use for my benefit-is because they're tend to be more discerning than varmints that have a delightful lack of self-control. This, unfortunately, makes them more sensitive to both the Enemy's voice _and _my voice. In other words, vermints with self-control understand what is from the Enemy and what is from me more quickly than those who lack this loathsome trait. Obvously, this means that they aren't as easy to work with.

On the flip side, a varmint without self-control is the best. In fact, I think that they're truly my favorites. Of course, every sin has its usefulness, but without self-control, _anything _can be used to tempt a varmint. Sinfulness can run rampant in varmints without self-control. In fact, that's why it's critical that you correct your mistake. Your patient will be lost to me if you can't coax him to be out of control. Of course, I'm sure that you're patient is lost to me already.

Now, I'll bet that you're so stupid that you don't have a clue as to how a lack of self-control can be used to benefit you-and, more importantly, me. Well, let me just rattle a few examples off the top of my head.

First, if a varmint has an lacks self-control in his temper and something happens that they don't expect-such as your patient being made up to be a fool in front of everyone-they can be led, by you, and by extension, me-into a rage and then I'll have them. Didn't you know that Anger is one of the most prized tactics at your disposal? Uncontrolled Anger is one of those tactics that is an instant winner for my side. It doesn't need to be slowly nurtured into maturity before it will create dividends for you-and, more importantly, me-although, slow festering Anger will provide you with years of important entertainment and, in the end, make you quite successful.

As a second example, if a varmint lacks self-control when they sit down to eat a meal-and if the job is done correctly-they can turned into a Glutton. Gluttony is just as much fun to grow in a patient as Anger is, and interestingly enough, you can suggest to a gluttonous patient that he should be anger with other varmints for making him the glutton that he is. It's really a very good joke since no varmint will be sinful over something that they don't want to be sinful over, no matter how hard another varmint might beg.

Of course, the great sin of Gluttony covers a multitude of things that have nothing to do with eating-_appetite_ is actually the correct word. Gluttony is an excessive appetite for whatever a particular varmint desires. The list is pretty much endless. There's lust, gambling, drinking, buying lots of _things_, and so many others that I can't possibly spend time explaining it all. Did you know that Temptation University has a class on Gluttony? Of course, you didn't-you never went to even one class, although, I'm sure that you passed all of them under delightfully dubious circumstances.

Let me give you a third example, just to drive my point home. If a varmint has no self-control, then you can suggest that he become Slothful. Soth is another word for being lazy, for those of us-or should I just say _yo_u-who are too stupid to figure it out. See, often times the Enemy will allow a patient to be in, shall I say, difficult circumstances. If you ever find yourself tempting a varmint in that situation-although that's unlikely due to your recent slip, because you'll undoubtedly wind up on my dinner plate-it is quite an easy thing to suggest to them that they should take the easiest possible way though their difficulties. That is, of course, not what the Enemy says-He prefers that they allow His to show them His way out, whether it's easy or hard, but heck, do I care what the Enemy says? Of course, I don't.

Of course, the odious _virtue_-as the Enemy calls it-of self-control can only come about when the vermin are willing to surrender control of their lives-and that includes all their desires-to the Enemy. Isn't that just like the Enemy to say that having self-control is really letting HIm have control? I mean really, it's enough to make me want to blow my top.

Anyway, you must carefully avoid allowing your patient to discover that his appetites are born of his own desires-in your case, you should have nurtured your patient's Pride to make him think that he is too good to be made the butt of a harmless joke. If you had handled your job correctly, then your patient would think that he was completely in charge of his affairs and then he wouldn't see any need to hand his entire life over to the Enemy. But, you didn't do that, did you? Of course, you didn't-you just completely blew an ace in the hole.

Let me tell you, I would have been so pleased if you had been able to turn your patient's heart toward Anger and Resentment when all the other vermin-including the Enemy-laughed at him. Of course, I don't get to have that pleasure, do I? You're such a worthless loser that you couldn't even pull off the simplest of temptations, could you? Well, let me just say that the Enemy may love your patient's cheerful heart, but I can't stand it. In fact, I think that I'm going to be sick over your woeful performance.

But, as I've stated repeatedly, I'm completely committed to helping your worthless hide out of the pit that you've dug for yourself.

Now, don't get that cocky grin that you've famous for having around Temptation University on your face-as I've stated before, you don't have the slightest control over this situation-in fact, you had your chance, but you blew it. _Now_, you're completely at my mercy-and, ironically, that's a trait that I happen to lack entirely. I mean really, you remind me of what your patient should be.

Do you know why you remind me of how I'd like your patient to be? A varmint with no self-control is quite often overly confident. Is that bad, you ask? Well, not for me-which is why I never bothered to throw you out of Temptation University when you displayed your cockiness for everyone to see. I just made a mental note to make sure there was a plate big enough for your ego when I get to dine on you. You see, when a varmint has an over abundance of confidence, then they start thinking that they don't need anyone telling them what to do-in other words, they think their way is the best way, or even better, the only way. Of course, you devils in the field need to be smart enough not to fall for your own temptations, but I can see-and I already knew-that you're a complete failure at this.

But back to my point, if a varmint block all other voices, including the Enemy's voice, from their mind-or they let themselves think that they have-then they, naturally, start listening to me. I really have to laugh at this particular joke because the vermin who fall into this trap keep on saying that they don't need to listen to anyone's advice while, all the while, they're really listening to my best and brightest demons, and by extension, me. Remember, all the vermin listen to someone-either me or the Enemy-whether they admit it or not.

Now, listen closely, you buffoon, because this is incredibly important. The Enemy knows how vital self-control is to His master plan, so He's constantly telling those varmints in His camp that they need to practice having it in _everything _that they do. Of course, I, being the brilliant Devil that I am, have developed a tactic to suit my purposes, using what the Enemy Him.

See, to my way of thinking, self-control isn't a bad thing to have-at least in _some _things. I really don't see the Enemy's point about having self-control in _everything _but, as you well know-or at least you'd better know-the Enemy and I don't see eye to eye on anything. Remember, I don't have any qualms about the vermin giving part of himself to the Enemy, Do you know why? It's because it's the best joke around. No varmint can serve two masters-it's either me or the Enemy. And, of course, to my delight, so many varmints just don't get that.

Let me give you some examples as to how this ideally works. Say, there is a varmint who has decided to go on a strict diet or maybe there's one who has decided to ignore their breeding urges until they're married-well, that's fine, as long as they blow their top if some other varmint criticizes their decision or makes fun of them.

Or take it the opposite way, say that some varmint is gentle and sweet and polite, well then, hopefully, they'll have gluttonous eating habits or be willing to shack up with the opposite gender at the drop of a hat, or have a desperate need to own lots of _things_, or any number of the other things that I've already mentioned.

Now, I'm sure that you're wondering how this might be is useful for my side? Well, it's really quite simple-then again, if you weren't such a stupid moron, I'm sure that you'd realize that.

See, the vermin have the delightful misconception that if they practice self-control in _some _things-what I suggest-then they have self-control in the way that the Enemy desires. What a joke. I just crack up everytime I hear about this occurring. They just don't understand that if the Enemy doesn't have complete control of of their despicable lives, then I'm still a viable contender for their soul. It's only those little snots that have given themselves completely over to the Enemy that I can't have-I can still harass the little jerks, of course, but they are lost to me.

Did you realize that is, in fact, the only reason that I'm not dining on you at this very moment? Yes, I'm going to let you hang around and harass your patient until the Enemy comes for him-even though I know perfectly well that he is lost to me.

Now, before I let you get back to harassing your patient-which is all you can do at this point-I'd like to mention one more very important point.

When a varmint declares that he is in the Enemy's camp-like your patient-but lacks self-control, he'll start to loses his ability to influence other vermin. This is because most other varmints have a base understanding of some of the things that the Enemy likes, so when they see one His own _not _doing those things, then they'll toss that varmint off as a liar and a hypocrite. Well, I ask you, is there anything better than a liar and a hypocrite?

You do know what a liar and a hypocrite are, don't you? No one will ever be able to stop me from slaughtering you if you don't know-so don't be stupid and mess up when you answer. Then again, who would want to stop me from tearing you apart for not knowing? Certainly no one under my command.

Remember, you fool, turning your patient into a liar and a hypocrite in the eyes of this world is extremely important for my side-in fact, since your varmint is in the Enemy's camp, it's really the only card that you have to play-so it's absolutely vital that your actions produce this desirable effect. If I can't have your patient, then you'd better see to it that he doesn't convince other varmints to join the Enemy's ranks. You've already let the most perfect opportunity slip away and I will not allow you to blow it again. Got that, you stupid fool? The next time I read a bad report on you, you'll be sorry for the rest of eternity.

Now, I completely understand that your lack of academic study has hampered your abilities thus far, but I'm willing to overlook that because of the fine record of cheating, lying, and backstabbing that you accumulated while at school. Of course, as I stated above, I cannot allow such a fine record to be further tarnished by the kind of inept field work that you displayed today, so don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you have further questions. I really care about you, after all.

Let me put all that another way, you worthless ingrate-if I find out that you've messed up again. well, lets just say, things won't have a pleasantending for you.

The Great, Terrible, Irresistible, Horrible Tash

(all honor and glory to me)

* * *

**Author's Notes**: I'm going to stop apologizing for long delayed postings, unless it's been months, which hopefully won't happen. These chapters are very tough to write, and I have a life outside of fiction writing.

Lauggas is named for Laughing Gas or, more technically, Nitrous oxide or N2O-a colorless gas with a sweet odor and taste. It is used as an anaesthetic, a propellant in whipped cream cans, and an oxidizing agent in racing cars. In the late nineteenth century it was often used by doctors as an anaesthetic, and is still used by dentists.

In the late eighteenth century, it found a place at parties in upper-class society, as recreational drug. When inhaled, it causes disorientation, euphoria, numbness, loss of motor coordination, dizziness, and ultimately, unconsciousness. Party-goers enjoyed the effects of euphoria and slight hallucinations. It was considered a safe thing because ill effects were not reported. Obviously though, inhaling nitrogen instead of oxygen isn't a good idea. Asphyxiation is possible if the gas is over used.

I also picked the name Lauggas because, for some reason, I keep thinking of the Joker, from Batman, when I think of this particular demon. More importantly, I picked the name because the Jackdaw, unlike lots of people, didn't mind laughing at himself when he was dubbed the first joke.

The part about only the Enemy knowing the date of the Last Battle comes from **Matt: 24:36-51 **and **Mark 13:32-37**.

The part about harsh words arousing anger and humble varmints being exalted comes from **Prov. 15:1**, **Matt. 23:12**.

The part about Tash and Co. having to go along with the Enemy's rules comes from **Luke 22:31 **and really all throughout the **Book of Job**.

The part about self-control being an unnatural habit for the varmints comes from **Rom. 7:14-25**.This verse also relates to the part about not being able to make someone sin if they don't desire to be sinful.

The part about varmints with self-control being more discerning than varmints without self-control comes from **Prov. 13:16-17**, **15:31-33**, **16:1, 20-23**, **17:24, 27**, **18:21, 19:1**.

The part where Tash compares why he doesn't like a varmint with self-control to why he likes varmints without self-control comes from **Gal. 5:16-26**.

The part about Anger being a prized tactic comes from **Prov. 17:19**.

The part about Slothfulness comes from **Prov. 12:24** and **14:23**.

The part about Tash being unable to have the varmints who surrender their lives to the Enemy is **Rom. 8:1-8**.

The part about making the Jackdaw proud and unable to take some ribbing comes from **Prov. 18:12**.

The part about the Jackdaw's cheerful heart comes from **Prov. 17:22**.

The part about over-confidence comes from **Prov. 14:16** and **26:12**.

The part about serving two masters comes from **Matt. 6:24** and **Luke 16:13**.

The part about influencing others comes from **Prov. 20:11** and **27:21**.


	4. King Gale

My Dear Atychi,

You've got to be the most worthless excuse for a demon that I've dealt with in the past few centuries. I mean really, did you realize that you're as worthless as you are? Probably not-after all, you are _that _stupid. I just can't believe that I'm forced to work with morons like you. I shouldn't have to put up with such inept worthlessness, but what else can I do? You idiots are all I've got. I mean really, you just messed up one of the easiest temptations known to us down here, but you're out there tempting anyway, aren't you? You fool. Seriously, how could you blow such a perfect situation? I mean really, you have to be the dumbest devil around.

Now, I'm not saying that the last few centuries have been all that great for my side. I mean, I'm not sitting on the Enemy's throne, am I? Of course not-and I'm certain that it's all the fault of you and your fellow morons.

Of course, I've also been very concerned about one of you worthless imbeciles forgetting to notify me that the Enemy has called more Human varmints from another world to come and mess up my finest plans. Fortunately, this hasn't happened yet, but you can never let your guard down. After all,the Enemy never slumbers or sleeps. And what's even worse, He's always working on the plans that He put in place before creation, and let me tell you, those plans were not made with the idea of letting the vermin suffer-like I would prefer. In the same way that we're known for our hatred and evil, the Enemy is known for His love and goodness. Mark my words, one day, He'll do something positively shocking and unexpected to display His love for all the vermin that He's created or will create, and, of course, whatever He does will undoubtedly ruin all my plans.

But, let me get back to your situation. As I asked before, did you realize that you just blew the easiest opportunity that you'll probably ever get? I mean, really, you're such an idiot. But, let me just say, I, in all my benevolent wisdom, have found that you-_-yes_, _you_-worthy of a little help straight from the bottom, so that's why I'm writing. Yes, that's right, you stupid fool, you should feel pretty special because _I've _decided to take up _your _case and help _you _straighten things out. Of course, if I don't help then your patient will be lost to me forever-then again, I'm sure that he already is lost to me because you're such a worthless imbecile.

Let me lay your mistake out for you-piece by horrible piece-so that you'll know exactly how worthless you really are. Then you won't have any doubts about why you're suffering unspeakable tortures for all eternity as a punishment.

You'll recall, of course, that there was a dragon terrorizing the vermin that live on that little archipelago in the middle of nowhere-I mean, that dragon had those varmints shaking in their boots. He would come out every day and challenge them-as far as a dragon can challenge anyone-to defeat him, and the vermin were all so afraid that no one dared to fight. In fact, they forgot-and this is critical-that they belong to the Enemy and that He is prepared to fight their battles for them.

Of course, that's when your patient sailed in, isn't it? That's when your patient swooped in and reminded them that they are in the Enemy's camp, and that enemies of the Enemy-like us-don't stand a chance against His mighty power. Unfortunately, that's true, but I'm not going to let up my opposition-I simply _must _have His throne.

Anyway, in order to prove his point, your patient offered to go and defeat the dragon in the Enemy's name-which, of course, he did. Well, do you know what horrible thing happened next? I bet you don't-you're such a worthless loser.

Well, let me tell you, your patient gave all the credit for his victory to the Enemy. I mean really, he wasn't even proud enough of his own accomplishment to take all the credit-and, let me tell you, you'll pay for that.

Now, I'm sure, that you'll recall that after your patient gave all the credit for his victory to the Enemy, all those varmints on that little archipelago in the middle of nowhere couldn't stop praising His name. Naturally, it just makes me sick to think of how many varmints I could have had if your patient hadn't gotten involved. I mean really, my coffers should be just overflowing with souls, but as it is they are no more full than they were before. I mean really, I didn't pick up one single soul out of all those varmints who witness _your _patient in action. Of course, I'm going to hold you accountable for this atrocious lapse of sound demonic judgement. Now, I'm sure that I'll just be dining on a dinner of one-that's you.

Of course, as a result of your failure, not only has your patient's faith in the Enemy been strengthened, but all the varmints on that little archipelago in the middle of nowhere have been reminded of how much the Enemy loves them and the extent that He'll go to rescue them from harm-or, for that matter, from me. I mean really, how could you have let this happen? It should have been so easy for you to suggest that your patient surcumb to the same fear that all the other varmints gave in too, but, oh no, you blew it, didn't you? Of course, you did.

Do you know what you should have done? Do you know what _I_ would have done? Of course not, you lousy moron, if you'd known what I would have done then you would have been able to handle the situation and your patient would be, delightfully, on his way down to me.

Well, again, let me ask you-do you know what a lucky little devil you are? I hope so-because then you'll have no choice but to honor and glorify me for all my wisdom. Of course, since you're on my side, you're required to do that anyway.

Well, anyway, as I said before, you're really lucky because I, in all my wisdom, have decided that you're worthy of my help. Of course, I can't tolerate the type of inept work that you produced today, so this is the only time that I'll be willing to help a stupid moron like you. The next time I hear about you failing to produce the results that I desire, well, let's just say, you won't last long-and, of course, you'll suffer unspeakable horrors.

Now, what I would have done is to infect your patient with a good dose of Fear. Fear is a marvelous temptation for my side. Did you know that? Of course not, you're a worthless fool. Well, let me tell you, it works best on varmints who are as brave as your patient apparently is.

See, a really brave varmint, like your patient, is quite often considered a hero in the eyes of less brave varmints-like the ones living on that little archipelago in the middle of nowhere. But what would happen if your patient failed to live up to the other varmints expectations? What would happened if that dragon had gotten the best of your patient-or at least your patient thought that he might? He would have been completely humiliated in front of all his fans, that's what would happen. Now, let me tell you, that would have been fun to watch.

Of course, as you should know-and I better never find out if you don't know-embarrassing your patient is not my goal, no matter how much amusement it causes you, and, more importantly, me. My aim-which is, of course, your aim-is strictly concerned with the damnation of your worthless varmint's soul, but, in this case, your patient's fear of shaming himself can be used to achieve that very goal.

You see, what if you were to suggest that the _Enemy _would be ashamed of your patient if he were to fail? Lots of varmints can handling letting done other varmints every now and again, but for varmints who are in the Enemy's camp, like your patient, their greatest desire is to please Him, so naturally, they don't want to do things that would shame them in His eyes. Of course, delightfully, for you-and, more importantly, me, the vermin simply can't help messing up-sin is a part of their very nature, after all. It's just a wonder that the Enemy hasn't done anything to fix that problem yet.

Isn't it funny when the vermin don't want to try something that could be difficult for them, so they use the excuse that they don't want to put Him to shame, but really, they're much more concerned with not putting themselves to shame. That cracks me up every time.

Now, of course, suggesting to the vermin that the Enemy hates them because they don't live up to His expectations is really a very good joke for my side, because, of course, the Enemy has never forgotten that He made all the slimy varmints out of dust and that their lives are but a puff of air in the grand scheme of things. But, get this, the Enemy loves their worthless hides anyway. Can you fathom that? I bet you can't, but don't worry about that because I can't fathom it either. Yes, that's right, you worthless moron, the Enemy will never withdraw His love for the varmints in His camp, no matter what hideous suggestion we entice them to perform. Isn't that awful?

Now, the abovementioned information is absolutely critical. You must always keep the Enemy's mentality in mind when you tempt your patient. Haven't you ever heard of the saying, "Know the Enemy"? It is absolutely vital to your success that you always remember who the Enemy is and what motivates His actions-even if, no, _especially if_, you don't understand what He's up too. Of course, I can guarantee that you'll never understand His motives, but you must understand who He is. After all, He's the Creator of the World, He's the King above all High Kings, He's the Great Lion, He's the Son of the Emperor Across the Sea-you're getting my point here, right? You'd better be, listing all the Enemy's titles makes me just want to scream. I just can't stand the fact that He is more powerful than I am-_-I simply must have His throne!_

But let me get back to your pitiful performance. Your patient didn't display Fear today, did he? He threw caution to the wind and disregarded his reputation, didn't he? Of course, he did-that's why I'm writing to you, you stupid fool. I'm just certain that your patient didn't fall for the tactic of Fear because you didn't apply it correctly. I'm just certain that if the Fear tactic had been properly introduced, you would have had no trouble enticing your patient to fall for it.

As it is, things are dreadfully apparent that instead of Fear, your patient displayed perfect love and trust in the Enemy's protection and provision. He embodied what the Enemy says about perfect love casting out fear and that the greatest love a varmint can have for another varmint is that he would lay his life down for them.

And, yes, I realize that your patient didn't lay his life down today, but the fact that he fought the dragon suggest that he was willing too.

I mean really, for your patient to put his life on the line like that reminds me of how the Enemy works. Seriously, that's how much the Enemy loves those varmints that He created.

Of course, I'm quite certain that you find it laughable to think that the Enemy would die for His slimy stupid creation, but I'm not entirely sure-the Enemy has an absolutely horrifying way of displaying His love for His creation. Actually, you can take your patient's example as a good representation on the kind of love that the Enemy has for all the vermin He's created, and learn from it. Remember: Know the Enemy.

Put another way, your patient has a heart after the Enemy's own, so I'd better not catch you napping.

Of course, just because your patient has a heart after the Enemy's own, it doesn't mean that you need to consider your job to be a lost cause-although, in your case, I'm sure that it is. After all, a varmint is still a varmint.

Let me tell you, your patient's position as King in the Enemy's country can be a real advantage for you-and, more importantly, me. After all, the luxuries of royalty can make any varmint let down their guard. Then you can swoop in and suggest something terrifically heinous. Then, hopefully, you'll be able to sit back and watch your patient tumble off his pedestal. And after your patient has done some really great things to displease the Enemy, you can swoop in and suggest that the Enemy has had it with him. Of course, this brings us back to the whole Fear suggestion and, of course, I've already explained all that.

Now, I'd just like to note one more thing before I leave you to mess up again and eventually wind up on my dinner plate.

You see, the Enemy has told the varmints in His camp that He is ready and willing to help them with all their problems-big or small. The Enemy says that He can handle anything that the vermin throw at Him, and, unfortunately, that's very true. Anyway, given that, it's absolutely critical to your future performance that your patient doesn't remember that the Enemy tells His varmints to present their request to Him. If your patient remembers that, then he'll get it into his head that the Enemy will help him overcome the fearful and terrible things, that you-and, by extension, me-have suggested to him. Of course, if you fall to prevent your patient from contacting the Enemy, well then, even I can't do anything to help you.

And, for my sake, do be careful. The Enemy has an invisible self-He calls it His Spirit-that helps the vermin speak to Him, even when they don't know what to say.

Now, don't be shy or fearful of letting me know if you have any more questions about tempting your patient. I'm completely and utterly devoted to serving the demons under my command, after all-oh, by the way, I have a really lush and well-watered piece of property that I'm willing to sell you in the barren wasteland just outside of Calormen. Are you interested?

The Sensational, Amazing, Preeminent, Inexorable Tash

(all honor and glory to me)

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Let me just note, this chapter was both fun and difficult due to the lack of information on King Gale. Did you figure out which Biblical story I paralleled Gale's story with? I had to be creative, but I hope I wasn't too creative.

Now, I'm sure that all you die-hard Narnia fans will remember that Gale is mentioned only in The Last Battle, but he's mentioned as living before the Great Winter, so that places him between The Magician's Nephew and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe-hence his placement here. Also, I'll ask you to note the slight variation in the closing salutation. I did that to denote the passage of time.

Atychi is named for Atychiphobia, which is Fear of Failure-precisely the temptation that Tash wants to use to draw Gale away from the Enemy. People with Atychiphobia can be afraid to try something new, which, of course, can hold them back from realizing all the amazing things that God has planned for them. Success and failure are part of life, but if you don't try, then you'll never fail-or succeed.

Now, one more note. I'm afraid that I haven't answered all the reviews that came in for the last chapter, and unfortunately, it may be a little while before I can answer them or any that come in for this chapter. My life is currently in a beast stage and I'm pretty busy. That goes for all the PMs cramming my inbox. Hang in there folks, I'll get to you.

The part about the Enemy never slumbering or sleeping comes from **Psalm 121:3-4.**

The part about the Enemy's plans for the vermin **Eph. 2:10 **and **Jer. 29:11**.

The part about the Enemy fighting battles for the vermin in His camp comes from **Exodus 14:13-14**, **1 Sam 17: 37** and **2 Chron. 20:17**.

The part about King Gale defeating the dragon in the Enemy's name and then giving the Enemy credit comes from **1 Sam. 17: 32**, **45-47**, **Mark 6:7, 13 **and **Luke 9:1-2**.

The part about Tash not taking in any new souls after Gale defeated the dragon comes from **1 Sam 17:51-53**.

The part about sin being a part of the vermin's nature comes from **Rom. 3:23** and the part about the Enemy not yet doing anything about it comes from **Rom. 3:24-26**.

The part about the Enemy knowing that the vermin are dust and their lives are but a puff of air comes from **Psalm 103:14**, **144:4** and **James 4:14**.

The part about perfect love casting out fear and a varmint laying his life down for another varmint comes from **1 John 4:18** and **John 15:13**. The part about Gale displaying perfect trust in the Enemy's protection and provision, even without a guarantee comes from **Dan. 3:16-18**. This part also comes from a friend of mine who spoke to a group of veterans, who had just returned from Afghanistan. He was speaking to veterans who were obviously still alive, but, of course, they could have just as easily have been killed, and they went anyway.

The part about Gale having a heart after the Enemy's own is from **1 Sam. 13:1**4 and **Acts 13:22**.

The part about the Enemy being able to handle all the varmints' problems comes from **Psalm 55:22**, **Matt.11:28** an**d 1 Peter 5:7**.

The part about the Enemy telling His varmints to present their request to Him comes from **Phil 4:6**.

The part about the Spirit helping the vermin speak to the Enemy comes from **Rom. 8:26-27**.


End file.
